Update | Straight Outta Cape Town
- Feb 13, 2017
- 5 min read
"In a community, in a culture, in a country divided by a hierarchy, bottom line- We all hurt. We all feel pain. We all bleed the same color, and I have directly inserted myself in place of complete brokenness that cuts deep only to cause an external response. My heart breaks daily. I've learned that where the hope lies is in genuine love. The best part that excites my soul, my only saving grace for those I see bleeding, is that my human capacity of love doesn't compare to the vast love God has for them."
-Anonymous
I've been in South Africa for just about a month now and have been living in a country that has quickly become "a second home." I didn't think that in four weeks I would feel the way I do.
Before the flight, I could never fully and clearly answer the question "how do you feel" and if were being honest, I hate that question. But I get it, moving to the opposite hemisphere and living on the other side of the moon, the inquiry seems obligatory.
This is the first time I'm putting it into words so bare with me if I'm all over the place- I'm still trying to figure it out too.
This sounds bad- but I don't miss home. Purely because I've literally had zero time to do so. Yes, it was hard saying bye to my parents and to my friends. The only part that "got me" was when my leadership professor met me at our send off and prayed over me before departure. I teared up. He teared up. And he KNOWS how I am with emotions... but it's fine. Neither of us did the ugly cry PTL.
If I'm being real with myself, I think it was the reality check I needed to face the fact that the next semester of my life will be spent in African School.
Coming here and now being here... I would more describe myself as a hot mess with a heavy heart because I had a taste of what I was about to experience. My perception of what Africa was was only in comparison to what I had already seen being here two years ago.
It's one thing to be here in Africa "on mission" it's a completely another thing to completely immerse yourself in the culture.
We stand out, there's no denying that. Forty Americans walking around in a predominately colored area... let alone our accents, we've been told we walk with a certain "swagger" which makes me slightly offended, or honored? I'm honestly not quite sure. We've befriended the local baristas and waiters at our favorite coffee shops and restaurants. We've met some pretty rad locals. We've had the privilege to sit and hear the stories of some of those who are hurting, and may I say, it's been humbling.
I was texting a friend back home and he was asking me what was different about Cape Town, and in response, I shocked myself in suddenly realized how quickly we had all assimilated to the culture here.
I told him that here in South Africa, everything is expressed very casually, as in their struggles. There are no walls, no filters... if you ask a question, there will be no buffer. There's no form of sugar coating. And in some cases, I don't even have to ask, I've just been told some of the deepest darkest secrets, mistakes, and heart breaks no man, woman or child should never have to deal with. By how easily I answered my friend about the biggest differences here in Cape Town, I came to terms with how effortlessly it was for me to bring it up, because how easily the locals and we as a cohort talk about shooting/rape/stabbings/etc.. which are issues we are dealing with and counseling through with our clients. It's really difficult. The reality of our prevailing present state for the next few months hit me like a ton of bricks in the span of a few text messages. I quickly realized and acknowledged that this will be the hardest semester of my life.
So after all of that... If you were to ask me, "Jess, how are you feeling?"
I'm tired. Fatigued. Drained. I don't think I've ever been this exhausted in my entire life.
That's dramatic... But it gets the point across.
I'm not one to talk about my "problems" easily, and especially in a place where I feel as though there are others who have it worse... but I've had some really, really hard days here. My saving grace is those in my cohort who are super supportive and the random texts of encouragement that I get from friends and family affirming me and making me feel as though Africa isn't that far and the 10 hour time difference isn't a huge deal.
I'd been pretty discouraged the past few days, but today our director/professor/uncle Kevin asked us "It's this time in the semester when I ask 'have you guys had enough time with Jesus?' and I usually get the answer no. So you guys have thirty minutes, come back at 10:15..." It still wasn't enough time, but it was sufficient in making be feel a little more at peace with my current circumstances.
Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely loving it here. But I'm also not ignorant to my current state and as one of my new friends, Sadie, would say "I don't always have butterflies flying out of my butt. I've never been forced out of my comfort zone or been stretched to this extent before. I know God is trying to work in and through me, it's still SO hard.
I'm getting there. I'm doing my best to not let physical pain or mental/emotional discomfort keep me from being, any the least, willing for God to use me.
My heart breaks daily for the stories, the violence, and the hate crimes we hear about regularly. I'm slowly learning that where my confidence can lay is through genuine love, which isn't entirely easy for me. I'm not necessarily known for being over affectionate... or at all. But I'm trying my best, because I know that my human capacity of love doesn't compare to the vast love God has for them. Which is why I'm forced daily to rely on Him, to give up everything to Jesus just in the hopes of Cape Town seeing the ocean of love of Christ through just an ounce of love I can offer them.
If you didn't know, my best friend and I are vlogging our way through our semester! It isn't much, but keep up one some of the fun we're having here in Cape Town!
|Travel Diary 1 |
|Travel Diary 2 |
|Travel Diary 3 |
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