DO NOT STUDY ABROAD

"I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world."

-Mary Anne Radmacher

I cannot speak for all Study Abroad programs through any University, but I can say- Africa completely ruined me. I'm wrecked.

Africa, you have destroyed me and therefore I boldly say, do NOT study abroad.

Now, I know what you're saying, "Jess, what do you mean? You told me you absolutely loved it. You made incredible friends, you lived on a different continent for close to 4 months, you jumped off of a freaking bridge! What do you mean don't study abroad?"

Hear me out...

You will be thrown out of your comfort zone in all aspects- mentally, spiritually, and physically.

I will never be able to fully accept and engulf myself in subpar or status quo nor will I ever view the American Church the same again.

My basic human definition of living, loving, and learning have been shattered.

My expectations of others, myself and God have been broken, questioned, and doubted too many times.

My focus is constantly being interrupted by all that I encountered while in Africa.

My emotional state has been completely obliterated because I used to have it down- get hurt, be upset, want to lash and be able to bottle it in and suck it up.

My heart has been broken to the point where I didn't know if it could ever be whole again and I was mad at myself, mad at the world, and mad at God for putting me through it.

My classroom may not be four walls, rather a dirt floor with large shards of glass and a few stray dogs.

I have trouble obtaining material possessions not only because I "survived" 4 months out of one suitcase and a backpack, but because I worked with those who only had the clothes on their back. And that's it.

I fear repression of circumstances because the American perception of Africa or "Study Abroad" is nothing like the reality I lived.

Even within our own community, we faced racism, something that I've come to terms with for being global, not just domestically.

I expected to gain experience in my field of study, which I did, but I also played big sister, friend, therapist, mom, all of which I was NOT prepared for.

My idea of what it means to truly be there for someone has changed, and I owe it all to my dear friend TC.

I could go on and on about my experience in Africa. Believe me, I know how this comes across- I, the spoiled, privileged, American is complaining because Africa was "hard" and at the time "too much to handle." But if you know me, you see right through this.

My words, my thought process, how I've processed... If all you see of my time in Africa is my pictures on Facebook and three posts on Instagram or in the vlogs you are giving in to the downfalls of social media and seeing exactly what I wanted to portray, that Africa was a blast and was all fun all the times. Not discounting ANY of these moments that were captured on film, because they were incredible for sure.

If you know me, you saw right through the sarcasm in the statements above.

All though each of them are true, one thing I learned from Africa was the power of perspective. The ability to look at a situation and automatically see the good and see the God in it. Yes, there were things about and in Africa that were hard- things that were and that I haven't really wanted to talk about, partially because it's heavy, and another part is because I haven't fully accepted it myself. I struggled not being with my family, not being with my close friends & roommates even though I made some pretty solid friends in Africa along with going initially with one of my best friends. I struggled coming home. I struggle (currently) going to my internship at my church and seeing all these privileged kids and thinking back to some of my kids in Oceanview. I struggle to talk to people about some of the more intense things that went on. I struggle even now.

But let me say, though maybe not right away, I would do it all over again. I say this because I learned so much about God, so much about myself and who I want to become, and so much about what direction my life is headed in.

I would say don't study abroad, but that's only in the case that you are completely unwilling to say

"here I am, send me" and just GO.

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